Day -29 : Re-Posting | Brief brush with love, 2012

When I was 6, I thought love meant parents and with someone else it was interminable.

When I was 9, I wondered whether there'd some prince charming waiting for me somewhere.

When I was 11, I pondered upon the fact that even I could fall in love with a really famous celebrity who might want me too and I would live life lavishly forever.

When I turned 12, I thought love was fascist, intolerant to large extents.

When I was 15, I thought love was that strong surge which could make you live life to the fullest or lose yourself to insanity. It could make you falter or rise above.

When I turned 16, I had the first hot bent encounter with the much awaited love phenomena & Lord, did it not make me go head over heels! It got me intoxicated for the need of wanting to be loved, to be cared about. 

Much before I could go on, I met him.

Conquered my heart - thank you 

Without him, I'm at the bottom of the ocean. Without his words, I'm a parched soul maddened with thirst.

He's like the colours of rainbow. Without his love, I'm a lost vignette of hope. A warm despair sets in when I think of him not being on my side.

Yes, indeed love makes you dependent to an extent but it makes you independent in all those spheres of life where you realize your potential and can't let down your beloved too. It makes you realise the good in life. Love can be lofty and wonky but it's certainly wondrous. Love is so lustful that it hits you hard on head and makes your heart melt.

His coming was like the Lord's calling. He guided me through the times when I could have easily bowed to life getting hard.. Instead he made me go through all strings attached ; elation, despondence, desperado, insecurities, separation, empathy.  And most importantly, love for life.

Talking of him fills me up with so much of emotions that I can't quite keep it in. I wonder how he is the way he is; serene, ambitious, tamed and wild. While he can be spontaneously generous and always keen to know more of relevancy.

Marking him as the one for me took me awhile and now it has made me face the reality to work hard to achieve, him. He hails from different scenario, community but not once did that discreetly mar my relations with him. He's a non believer. But I believe in Him.

My world goes spinning and sometimes, the dark side take over! Utterly humanly feelings of jealousy, insecurity, public scrutiny scare me beyond my wits. But then, after a while, victoriously love takes over!

He has treated me wrong at numerous occasions but not more than the times when he made me feel secure and full.

Amma says,

Choose not the One who can keep you happy, but the One who can sustain you and your needs.

As I end up this post I'm drifting towards new thoughts & new beginnings where I do need to talk about the world I'm ready to take on beside him. We might trip and fall but isn't that what life is all about?

Learning. Failing. Working. Learning and it goes on and on..

Much Love & Peace

Day -30 : Why I quit Writing

It has been exactly 6 months since the day I had deleted my previous blog because of absolutely no valid reason.

I quit the only thing that kept me sane in my chaotic life. I quit Writing, the sole love of my life. I remember, the times when I used to just grab hold of any paper and pen when I dint have my laptop along, even in the most uncanniest of situations only to write things down because it would make me feel at peace.That's the kind of effect writing had on me. But slowly, with each day passing day I felt distant. Away. Sad.

Though I kept checking my mails to find some really amazing people mailing me constantly to be back on WordPress. And I promise my lovelies, I read them. I read them all. I just sat for hours pondering over it, and then marked them unread again. It's not that I dint try to be back, I swear I did. But words, thoughts and over-thinking ruined things for me. I was simply failing at words. I had a lot to say and each time I tried to write it down, I was miserable.  

So much had happened that the dimensions of my life had changed. There were stories to tell, many incidents unaccounted for, lots of lovely people that I could have gushed about and many more life lessons learnt from simple deeds!

But what I did was quite the opposite, I kept mum. At times, I dint have time. But most of the times, it felt like I had completely forgotten "how" to write.

Don't let it get to you!

Have you encountered situations where you start over-thinking on a simple silly thing such as "why can't I express anymore?" escalating all the way to making up different scenarios in your head?

This can lead to being let down. It can lead to false hope. But what I can assure you of is, it certainly leads to a bad mood swing. For me, some were good, some were bad.  I felt hopeless thinking that I'll never be good enough. I felt alone. It prevented me from saying out things I've wanted to say and doing things I wanted to do. I hated it. I absolutely hated over-thinking. And since it originated from the whole "why can't I write anymore" fiasco, I just deserted the whole blogging world. I let it be.

If you ask me now, did it do me any good? NO. Certainly not. Letting things be can never be a solution to any situation. Taking charge of your life, of what you intend to do is in your hands. How to choose to live up to your ambitions and desires is your choice yet again.

Don't let over-thinking get to you. Let your actions speak for yourself. Let your words rule your world.

That's how it happened to me, simply on one Sunday night while I was lying in my bed trying to sleep, a thought crossed my mind

"When did I become such an unrecoverable hot mess?"

This made me come back. I created a new Blogger account, logged in & started out writing this post. How many times did I just stop and fall back in the same trance? Not once. Not once. And you know why? I knew I was going to get over it. I knew I could never be just another hot mess. I could be so much more. We all could be so much more! This is just the beginning of a whole new journey.

As I end this post, all I want each one of you to know is

Have you been tired, broken, beat down, bored, or frustrated to such a level that you just cannot think anymore?

It's okay. I've been there too. I'm still there.

WRITING. IS. HARD.

But whatever you do, don't you let it be! Don't delete it, don't erase it, don't burn it. And please don't forget it. We can figure this writing thing out together alongwith others, but most importantly,

Keep Writing. It is meant to keep you sane.

Much Love & Peace